3M: “Delve into MLS Week 12”, says my computerized homie


If the rapping computer DeepBeat (a strangely common name for a rapper) were dispensing advice for the soccer team representing the City of Brotherly Love, it might go like this:

"My brother I love you Be encouraged man And just knowWhen you done let me know cause my love make you be like WHOA"

(Seriously, rapping computers. That is now a thing.)

The Philadelphia Union and the New York Red Bulls had all the signs of a clear-cut decisive victory as the 2-0 scoreline

Yes, miracles were performed at Red Bull Arena, much to th disdain of the hometown fans. Mandatory Credit: Noah K. Murray-USA TODAY Sports

The Union had never won at Red Bull Arena. The team has been mired in a death spiral it seems like forever now are were taking the field without captain Maurice Edu, leading scorer Fernando Aristeguieta and even Ray Gaddis was sidelined.

And they won. Wait? What??

No, you read that right. For the second straight week, the Union–who have been the laughing stock of MLS this season–pulled off the upset over a conference rival. This time, the New York Red Bulls, probably the consensus number one team in all of MLS right now.

That Philadelphia Union had 39% possession and only three shots on target should surprise no one. But that they hung two goals on the Red Bulls and kept them off the scoresheet?

Incredible. Even after you count that he Red Bulls out-shot Philly fifteen to seven! After the performance Brian Sylvestre gave, it’s worth asking if Andre Lewis is ever going to get the Union’s goalkeeper job.

Going from the navy blue of Philadelphia to the black some fans wore in Toronto this weekend.

Why were they wearing black at BMO Field on Saturday? No, they weren’t clairvoyants who foresaw the25th minute injury to Portland’s Diego Valeri (suspected–and hoped–to be only a rolled ankle). Instead, “Black Shirts At BMO” was a social media campaign by TFC supporters to voice their concerns to the grass field at BMO Field which the team will soon be sharing with Canadian football’s Toronto Argonauts.

“For 23 minutes, BMO Field was devoid of life and any kind of meaningful atmosphere, a stark reminder of howhollow the place sounds and feels without those south-end fans in full voice,” John Molinaro notes, going on to say:

"All too often, TFC fans haven’t exercised that power. Saturday they did. They let their voices be heard by saying nothing—and the silence was deafening."

May 23, 2015; Group hug! Jack McInerney (99) and defender Bakary Soumare (5) congratulate goalkeeper Evan Bush (1) . Mandatory Credit: Jean-Yves Ahern-USA TODAY Sport

Staying in Canada but with a more outrageous French accent, Montreal have climbed out last place courtesy of their win over FC Dallas. The Impact have won two games in a row to put them at eight points, or fourteen points behind first-place D.C. United (but with five games in hand thanks to their CONCACAF adventures).

Montreal got goals from Ignacio Piatti (PK), and Jack McInerney to get their first-ever win over FC Dallas in four attempts. With the win, D.C. United now tops the Supporter’s Shield standings with their draw against New England.

D.C. had to feel like they could have done better since they had a two man advantage after New England lost Chris Tierney (once lauded MLS Player of the Week earlier this season) and Lee Nguyen (a MVP candidate last season) to ejections.

Problem is, Jay Heaps is a really, really, really good coach. The team bunkered, no doubt about it, but they have come far from the 3-0 blowout that transpired under similar circumstances last season.

That D.C. only got one point was probably the best thing to happen to the West this weekend.

May 24, 2015; San Jose, CA, USA; San Jose Earthquakes forward Chris Wondolowski (8) acknowledges fans after the game against the Orlando City SC at Levi

The five top Western Conference teams combined for three points over the weekend*. Seattle and Sporting tied each other. San Jose drew with road warriors Orlando. Dallas lost to Montreal. Meanwhile, Vancouver lost to Colorado as the Rapids won their first home match since beating Chivas USA at home last summer.

*Sporting did win a midweek fixture 4-2 over New England

Orlando drew first blood but went down and man and San Jose took advantage to get the winner. Orlando is still really, really, good against the West, losing only once in now five games against the Western conference. Oh and Chris Wondolowski became only the 9th player to score 100 goals in MLS. Not bad for a 4th round MLS draft pick.

To put it in the words of a certain rapping computer:

"And I would love to have a thing like you on my team you take careI love it when it’s sunny Sonny girl you could be my CherI’m in a love affair I can’t share it ain’t fairHaha I’m just playin’ ladies you know I love you.I know my love is true and I know you love me tooGirl I’m down for whatever cause my love is trueThis one goes to my man old dirty one love we be swigging brew"

That’s all I got. Here’s hoping they have DeepBeat on the Commodore 64.

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