Demolition in Dallas! Predacious in Portland! Hey, Philly won! It’s Monday Morning!

We are all sixes and sevens here at the Monday Morning Minutia division.

Zaniness abounds as week six comes to a close. After a full-slate of action we’ve seen the league’s share of scoreless draws rise to nine (MLS only had 17 last year!), more red cards, and a brilliant penalty save undone by encroachment.

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• Heading to America: Alexis Sanchez Aims for New Horizons in American or Mexican Soccer
• Ethan Horvath: The Bridge Between Two Worlds in Soccer

MLS also announced it’s latest new sponsor: Coca Cola! Yep, no more Sierra Mist!

From Bloomberg: This is MLS’s fourth major new sponsorship in the past two months. It signed Johnson & Johnson’s consumer division as its official health-care sponsor, Audi as its official automotive partner and Mondelez International Inc. as its official snack.

So as we wave so long Sierra Mist MLS All-Stars, let’s travel to an alternate universe. Imagine a world where F.C. Dallas is the hottest team in the league hosting lowly Colorado, a team that hadn’t scored in 600 minutes.

In other words, imagine it being last Thursday.

Apr 11, 2015; Washington, DC, USA; New York Red Bulls midfielder Lloyd Sam (10) celebrates with defender Damien Perrinelle (55) after his goal during the second half against the D.C. United at Robert F. Kennedy Memorial. D.C. United and New York Red Bulls tied 2-2. Mandatory Credit: Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

In what seemed like one of the easiest games to predict, Colorado broke out their slump in a big time way winning 4-0. It was a game not nearly as close as the scoreline indicated. After watching this Dillon Cerna goal to make it 4-0, one can only hope FC Dallas coach Oscar Pareja had tissue nearby.

Yeah. That’s a meme that will never get old here. Neither will “Take the shot, Kaka!”

Kaka got his his third goal of the season as Orlando remains undefeated on the road earning a shutout in Portland. Darlington Nagbe was his electric, brilliant self, but the team that lit up Dallas last week had a first half to forget.

For a team able to string together over 500 passes for two consecutive games, the Timbers sure didn’t seem particularly sharp losing their first home game of 2010 2-0. It was, as Portland coach Caleb Porter said, a real “head scratcher.”

Speaking of head scratchers, consider the giant comb that is Montreal, By so many measures, Montreal was the absolute worst team in Major League Soccer last year. Let, this same team is one home-and-home series from competing against some of the biggest clubs in the world with actual hardware on the line.

This being an MLS contest, Montreal dutifully performed their part losing 3-0 to a Houston team that seriously can’t wait until the Clausura is over. Yes, Kenny Cooper’s new team got worked over part of which included this gem of a world-class goal by rookie Rob Lovejoy.

Apr 11, 2015; Foxborough, MA, USA; New England Revolution forward Charlie Davies (9) reacts after a play against the Columbus Crew in the second half at Gillette Stadium. The game ended in a tie 0-0. Mandatory Credit: David Butler II-USA TODAY Sports

(My fourth favorite part of this video is the body language of Impact defender Laurent Ciman when he seems to realize that the Impact’s concept of team defense is as material as the Lochness Monster or the musical legacy of Poison).

Remember Nick Sakiewicz–so disdainful of the Philadelphia media’s questioning of the acquisition–referred to Rais Mbolhi as having “played in this little tournament in Brazil about a month ago — just a little tournament.”

True as that may have been, boy that was some karmic payment on a grand scale. MBohli’s tenure in Philly was as somber as a Sharknado Snowcopalyptic Anchovy-hailstorm (we’re very visual here at the MMM Studios). After being relieved of his duties, it was the Union’s turn to perform (not be subjected to) late heroics as the Union beat NYCFC.

Finally, the other New York team (the one that never seems to be playing?) are undefeated and are second in the East despite playing two fewer games than other conference teams. The New York Red Bulls survived a Perry Kitchen brace and took advantage of a rare Bill Hamid blunder to tie it at RFK.

Thanks for coming. Enjoy Winger!