MLS Monday Morning Minutia: Time to switch off from decaf


“Goals!” was a chant created by the Timber’s Army that paid tribute to MCA of Beastie Boys who had just sucumbed to cancer. But more than that, it came at a time in the club’s history where it was having some difficulty finding the net so the chant had a nice dual purpose.

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Maybe the chant needs to break free from it’s Northwest niche because nine of the sixteen teams that played this weekend–the Timbers among them–failed to score.

Saturday was especially egregious with four of the six games ending in scoreless draws. MLS East clubs spent Saturday accumulating more red cards (3) than goals (0).

This serves to only further punctuate the running joke that the Houston Dynamo and Sporting Kansas City’s move to the Western Conference is proof that MLS supports promotion/relegation. Hey-o!

Thank you! Tip your wait your wait staff! Enough MLS-based humor. Onto Week three storylines:

Mar 21, 2015; Kansas City, KS, USA; Sporting KC forward Dominic Dwyer (14) gets fouled as he flips over Portland Timbers defender Liam Ridgewell (24) during the first half at Sporting Park. Mandatory Credit: Peter G. Aiken-USA TODAY Sports

Home Sweet Home: Not a blade of grass appeared out of place in Avaya Stadium as San Jose opened their new digs with a 2-1 win. San Jose looked like they were going to run away with this one opening the scoring in the fifth minute and again in the 21st.

Chicago lost (falling to 0-3) but at least the squad got on the scoresheet with a beautifully weighted through ball that found Harry Shipp in San Jose.

Gangs of New York NYCFC got a point on the road but it was the Red Bulls, the other New York based team, that was hit the high note. Harrison was jumping as the Red Bulls got to put on the show they’ve been dying to put on since the team ended it’s tumultuous off-season. Thierry Henry is gone but Dax McCarty looked as impervious and determined as ever chipping a beautifully lofted ball for the assist and saving a goal with a brilliant block.

It was not at all a good match for DC United whose backline was too passive, it’s offensive instincts not honed. The team seemed as focused as the Chris Pontius penalty shot that cruised into lower earth orbit at the close of the match (sorry for the resulting debris Australia!).

The Long Shots: The goalless streak in Colorado has eclipsed 420 minutes. That’s longer than the the Star Wars Prequel movies (and probably well past Alderaan getting blown up in Episode IV: A New Hope (spoilers!). The team sold top scorer Deshorn Brown to a club in Norway. But they’ve signed Irish international striking sensation Kevin Doyle as a DP…not to arrive until July.

Crowd Control A DP striker who has found MLS much to his liking is Octavio Rivero. In three games, he’s scored

three goals including Saturdays late, late strike that gave the visitors the win over Orlando City. It was a disappointing night in Orlando where allegations of violence by a few overshadowed the fact that 31,072 fans attended the game.

Next: USMNT Roster For Denmark & Switzerland Announced