In Loving Memory Of Chivas USA: Aug. 2 2004-Oct. 26, 2014 (VIDEO)

Oct 26, 2014; Carson, CA, USA; Chivas USA fans wave flags from the stands in the first half against the San Jose Earthquakes at StubHub Center. Mandatory Credit: Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

Dearly beloved, brothers and sisters in soccer here on the MLS Multiplex and soccer fans around the world, today we celebrate the life of Club Deportivo Chivas USA, who passed away in its sleep with a wry smile on its face and the complexion of Jorge Vergara’s future great-grandson after Wilmer Cabrera’s Goats defeated the San Jose Earthquakes, 1-0, at StubHub Center in Carson, Calif.

Born to this world on my 20th birthday, August 2, 2004, Chivas USA enjoyed 10 years, 2 months and 24 days tasting moderate success for a number of seasons but soon falling into decline due to the overall disillusionment of many who turned away to support other clubs, including the one team who will be earning sole ownership of the Cathedral of American Soccer, Bruce Arena’s Los Angeles Galaxy. Allow me to have Father Wilmer read the last rites. Father Wilmer, please say a few words.

Thank you, Father Wilmer. Brother Felix Borja will now read the epistle…in the form of the game winner in the 32nd minute of play. Pay attention to the acts of the Earthquakes defense, who cannot defeat the likes of the local chapter of the Sisters of Mercy with their sinful display in front of the announced congregation of 7,000 parishioners, some being mere spirits.

“To me, this was a terrible season,” veteran Quakes goalkeeper Jon Busch told MLSSoccer.com’s Geoff Lepper. “It hurt. It hurt a lot that we couldn’t find a way to get out of this and to right the ship. I’ve been around a long time, and usually every team goes through tough times during the season, but you always find ways to get out of it.

“Unfortunately, this year, we just could not find a way to get out of it. For me, that drove me crazy. It’s going to motivate me — it should motivate the rest of the guys — so it never happens again.

“Was it tough? Yeah, it was tough. But we’re all professional players. We get paid to win games. We get paid to do our jobs. You want to keep trying to find the right ingredients to change that [winless streak].

“Now there’s no more games, no more training, no more anything until next preseason, so now you have to sit with those thoughts for the next two and a half months. And it’s going to be on your mind a long time until you can correct it.”

“It’s important [to finish seventh],” said outgoing Chivas USA captain Dan Kennedy to MLSSoccer.com’s Scott French. “I think a lot of people counted us out before the ball even got kicked off this season, so to climb into seventh, I think it speaks volumes about everybody involved.”

However, dear brothers and sisters, there is a possiblity that like the Messiah, Jesus Christ, Chivas USA will resurrect from its death and triumphantly rise like a phoenix in 2015. Apologies, Sister Conchita Wurst.

“We have to. I see no alternative,” Chivas USA club president Nelson Rodriguez said at halftime. “I know it’s been assumed a foregone conclusion that this is it and the rest of it. Imagine the scenario where it isn’t — boy, how irresponsible we would be if we didn’t do all the things we needed to do and we’re supposed to do.

“We still have the responsibility to prepare as if we’re playing next year. We’ve had those discussions, we’ve formulated a plan. We haven’t finalized that plan, because we wanted to see how the rest of the year played out.”

So, brothers and sisters, we have no choice but to watch and wait. Perhaps the unthinkable will happen and the Clasico Angelino will return gloriously. We can only hope…unless you are a follower of the Los Angeles Galaxy, like myself. Until then, may this club rest in peace and go in the grace of other teams that have fallen into administration and the pages of history around the world.

The mass in ended, go in peace into the 2014 MLS Cup Playoffs. Amen.

Team Statistics

Chivas USA on left, San Jose Earthquakes on right

Chivas USA Player Ratings

Dan Kennedy 7, Akira Kaji 6, Bobby Burling 6, Donny Toia 5, Jhon Kennedy Hurtado 6, Eric Avila 5, Leandro Barrera 6, Nigel Reo-Coker 7, Oswaldo Minda 5.5, Erick Torres 7, Felix Borja 8, Nathan Sturgis 4, Kristopher Tyrpak 3, Agustin Pelletieri NR

San Jose Earthquakes Player Ratings

Jon Busch 4, Jason Hernandez 4, Jordan Stewart 5, Pablo Pintos 3, Victor Bernardez 3.5, Atiba Harris 4, Khari Stephenson 4, Sam Cronin 3, Shea Salinas 6, Yannick Djalo 5, Chris Wondolowski 6, Cordell Cato 4, MIchael Fucito 2